When Your Go-To Tools Aren’t Working: Finding Calm in New Ways

Living with anxiety is no fun. It can suck the life out of you. And it’s especially frustrating when you do take good care of yourself — you eat well, hit the gym, use all the calming tools you’ve picked up — but still find yourself stuck in a tailspin of fear-based thoughts, worries, and overreactions.

Many people try to manage anxiety with a mostly cognitive or behavioral approach, talking it out or trying to reason with it. And while that can help to a point, it might not bring the full relief you deserve. Sometimes, thinking too much about the why of your anxiety only tightens its grip.

Instead of trying to make rational sense of an overly activated nervous system, try teaching your body how to shift out of panic and into ease.

Here are a few tools you can try the next time your usual methods just aren’t cutting it:

🌿 Feel Your Feet on the Ground

When you’re anxious, your attention tends to live in your head. Gently bring it back to your body — especially the parts that feel less tight.Focus on your arms, legs, or feet, and choose one area that feels most grounded. If it’s your feet, really feel them against the floor. Barefoot? Notice the texture and temperature. In shoes or socks? Focus on the pressure and material. Keep returning your awareness to this anchor point when anxious thoughts arise.

🧡 Imagine Someone Supportive

Picture a person (real or imagined) who makes you feel safe, calm, and at ease. It could be a family member, friend, mentor, spiritual figure — or even a made-up character. Visualize their presence. What would they say? How do they make you feel? Let their comforting qualities wash over you, and notice how your body responds.

✨ Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is one of the best antidotes to anxiety. Try writing down five things you’re grateful for each morning — even small things like a good cup of coffee or a sunny patch of light. Throughout your day, let your attention land on what’s pleasant, however small it may be.

⏱️ Short Practices Throughout the Day

Bo Forbes, a yoga teacher and researcher, talks about the power of “tiny two-minute tools” — brief, consistent practices throughout your day that help regulate your nervous system more effectively than a single long session at night.

Try this:

Two minutes of deep breathing every hour
A few gentle yoga poses between meetings
A short walk outside
A stretch break in between emails

✋ Hand on Your Stomach

Gently placing a hand on your belly can offer a quiet reminder: This moment is yours. It’s a cue to bring your attention inward, especially during stressful conversations or social situations. It helps you return to yourself instead of absorbing others’ tension.

🌬️ Breathe

Breath is free and always available. Deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system (the calming one). Try lengthening your exhale to be twice as long as your inhale.

You can also add a gentle mantra that feels comforting. Here are a few to try — say one part as you breathe in, and the other as you breathe out:

Inhale: “I’m…” / Exhale: “…okay.”
Inhale: “Let…” / Exhale: “…go.”
Inhale: “Be…” / Exhale: “…still.”
Inhale: “Soft…” / Exhale: “…belly.”
Inhale: “Breathe in…” / Exhale: “…peace.”

See what feels best to you, and let that be your anchor.

🎨 Get Into Your Right Brain

The right side of the brain is home to creativity, play, and imagination — all natural antidotes to anxiety. Bake something just for fun, doodle with pastels, listen to music you loved as a kid, or let yourself daydream. These small shifts can bring you back to joy.

💗 Practice Self-Compassion

Negative self-talk only fuels anxiety. Try replacing judgment with kindness.
This loving-kindness meditation from Phillip Moffitt is one of my favorites. You can write it down and say it to yourself daily:

May I be safe from internal and external harm.
May I have a calm, clear mind and a peaceful, loving heart.
May I be physically strong, healthy, and vital.
May I experience love, joy, wonder, and wisdom in this life, just as it is.

When you relax your body, your mind follows. And when your mind calms down, your body often softens with it.
It’s a beautiful cycle — and it starts with you learning to self-regulate and self-soothe, gently, from the inside out.

I hope some of these practices help ease your anxiety and remind you that peace is always possible — even in small doses.

Crystal Harband

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